Specificity: A Key for a Shooting Star Wish

 Two weeks ago Mitch said he saw a shooting star and made a wish. I never pushed him to tell me his wish, but in the back of my mind I knew that we had the same wish: a baby. 

Lebanon Valley Horse Auction had posted their annual foal sale photos and I mentioned to Mitch that I would love to go to the sale and possibly buy a foal. I looked through the pictures and pedigrees and decided that I would come home with a palomino and made my choices to look at when we got there. At the beginning of the sale week Mitch was told that he would have to work Friday night, so I made peace with the fact that I would not go to the sale. Mitch's work cancelled for Friday night, so off we went.

As we were leaving Mitch suggested multiple times that we take the horse trailer. I turned him down each time because I knew that there was a high percent chance that I would not buy a foal. We get to the auction house, go out back to look at the horses and walk into the foal pen right away. 

There were 32 foals in that pen all being pushed around by prospective buyers looking at them. None of these foals were handled we were told, but that didn't matter. As I searched for #682, Mitch said "Kels, look at the back legs on that baby" and pointed to a dark colored foal standing with her head down along the edge of the group. She had massive amounts of discharge oozing from a cut on her right hind leg and a swollen pastern on her left hind leg. Multiple people looked at her and pointed out her injuries then kept on going. 

Mitch and I continued to look at the other foals and he picked out a beautiful red roan colt in the group that he was interested in. We set our limits on each foal, but as we went to walk out I went back to that dark colored foal to look her over once more. She was nothing fancy, but she for sure needed medical attention ASAP.

We sat down and watched the first few foals sell. Those foals sold under what we had budgeted, so we started to get excited that we would be able to bring home two foals instead of just one. Wrong. The palomino filly I preferred of the group went well above our budget, so we waited for the roan colt to come through. Well, in between those two came the dark colored filly with the injured back legs. Something in me said "buy the baby", so that was what Mitch did. It didn't become real until the auctioneer handed the papers to us.

I sat there for a few minutes scrutinizing her papers and realizing that there were 0 names her papers that I recognized. Heck, her papers said that she was a brown filly foaled June 11th, 2022 and that her registered name was Jo Jo Bailey. My first thought was "what kind of a name is that?"

The red roan colt sold next and we were hopeful that he would go for a reasonable price so we could bring him home as well. Wrong. He went further over our budget limit than the palomino.

I went to go out to the pen and we found our friends standing behind us, so we told them about our new horse and went to look at her. The barn help at first went to give us static about being in the aisle as there were to be no people in the aisle while the foals were run through the ring, but after telling them that I needed to get an idea of the extent of the injuries on my newly purchased foal they let us right through. 

We checked her out, then returned back to our seats to continue watching the sale horses. Our friends almost bought a few horses, but in the end we were the only suckers to walk out of the barn with a horse. Mitch and I ran home, got the bumper pull horse trailer and make it back to the sale barn at 10pm. 

Mitch suggested that we lead this new filly out to the trailer, but I had concerns that she would be wild and we would have to run her into the trailer. He appeased my paranoia and backed the trailer into the loading area so we could run her into the trailer if needed. I pulled out a lead rope, two horse treats and handed Mitch the rope. He went into the stall and put the lead rope around her neck like she was a seasoned horse around humans her whole life.

This filly walked down the barn aisle with little fuss using only a lead rope on her neck. That may not sound impressive, but I watched one of the five month old foals rearing and kicking as its new owner tried to drag it down the barn aisle. People were staring at us as Mitch walked her out, heck I was in awe as we walked out. Load her on the trailer and off we go. 

On our venture home, we both see another shooting star. It almost seemed like a sign that we did the right thing. We get home, I find a halter that will fit her and go into the horse trailer. She halters like a pro. At this point, Mitch and I both have concluded that there is no way this filly is feral. Someone spent a lot of time with her.

She was started on topical antibiotics for her cuts that evening and oral antibiotics the following day. We have had her a total of five days and so far she is able to walk on lead, back, stop and is learning to trot with us. Her back legs still are going to need time to heal and a veterinary evaluation, but the swelling is decreasing dramatically. We both can honestly say that we love this baby already and look forward to what her future holds. 

All this to say, at the end of the day make sure your shooting star wish is specific because Mitch "wished for a baby" and we came home with a baby horse but we couldn't be happier.

Let's Talk About the Elephant in the Room: Infertility

Higher education taught me to write my life goals as descriptive as possible. Set your goals high and create a plan to achieve them with everything down to the smallest detail so the mountains you will climb will seem like mole hills.

I made my list and for most of the items I had elaborate plans and descriptions, but little did I know that one I had not planned out would be the most cumbersome of them all. Having children. 

You see, 1 in 8 couples face infertility in today's society. The biggest problem is that you don't know that you are part of the statistic until everyone around you is having children and you wonder why nothing has worked so far. But once you know, it will change your life forever. 

Mitch and I spent years trying to conceive with no results. I was told "you are trying too hard" or "you are too young to have issues" or "you are young, why do you want to rush to have children?" The hard reality was that both of us were already past the age when we wanted to have children. 

I have been through a lot of tough stuff but finding out that I was the one with fertility issues was one of the hardest moments in my life. Since I was a child I knew I wanted to have two kids by the time I was 25 years old. Here I am 27 years old with no children and a reproductive system that is non-cooperative. 

There is no accurate way to describe all the emotions that go into infertility diagnosis. You start off feeling that your body has betrayed you. That every period cramp or migraine or PMS symptom was just Mother Nature tricking you into believing that you would be able to get pregnant only to rip the rug out from under you. You begin to slowly hate yourself and resent everyone around you who has children. 

Then one day you wake up and realize that it is no one else's fault that you are the 1 in 8 couples with infertility. You begin to realize that there are other options available to try to treat infertility and you try to find a glimmer of hope because at that point that is all you can do. Most importantly, you begin to encourage others in their pregnancies or births or adoptions because they deserve happiness just like you do. 

Fertility treatments are hard, I am not going to lie. The hormones play major tricks on the mind and body and leave you a shell of who you are if you are not careful. I experienced this firsthand. Giving yourself injections is hard. Taking all of the medications on time is hard. Following every instruction you are given is hard. But what is harder is completing the cycle only to find out that the cycle was not successful. 

I have learned over the course of the last year to avoid the word failure. There are enough feelings of guilt, regret, agony, pain, grief, sadness and despair within infertility. Failure indicates that the outcome was of no use, but each treatment cycle teaches you something. It teaches you how strong you and your partner really are. It teaches you that no matter what happens you must get up and face the day.

Most importantly, infertility has taught us who is there in the dark times. It has shown us that family does not have to be blood related, it can be friends who come to help you pick up the pieces or random acquaintances who check up on you even when they don't have to. No matter how bad things seem, there is always a silver lining somewhere hidden. 

Mitch and I have done three timed intercourse cycles previously and agreed that we will be doing at maximum three more of these cycles this fall. If these three cycles are unsuccessful, then we accept the outcome. In the end, there is a bigger plan at play and we must learn to be patient and just enjoy the ride. 

I am planning to post on a routine basis on this blog during my treatment cycles for anyone else that may be undergoing treatments. If you are going through treatments or infertility, please do not hesitate to reach out. I am more than happy to explain the procedures that I have been through, provide a listening ear or support in any way I can.

Welcome!

 Hello and welcome to my blog where I share all the things that no one told me about life. Some posts will be funny, some will be educational, some will be sad. Buckle up because who knows what is going to happen on this blog! 😀